Parenthood

I've kind of had this topic on my heart recently. I'm not really sure how to put my thoughts, fears and dreams into words, but I'm going to try.

We started a Wednesday night class a month or so ago at church called Have a Better Family by Friday    by Kevin Leman. If there is ever a class on parenting, you better believe I am going to be there. You see, there is a part of me that is terrified I am going to mess this up.

I want them to know unconditional love, because they have received it from me. I want them to know that no matter what, they can come to me. I hope that one day they will read this and tell me that they felt that. That they still feel that. 

I want them to be godly men. To know the word and speak it freely. To know that even though their daddy and I love them sooo much, that God loves them even more. That although they will experience all kinds of heartache in this world that God will always be here for them. 

Something that had not occurred to me when I found out we were having a boy, is how strongly I would feel about raising not only boys, but future husbands. I pray that through our marriage they will learn what it means to extend grace when you really don't want to. To show affection freely. And above all, to be respectful to one another. Women are so often disrespected and I pray that my boys will always be the ones to go against that norm.

So, while those are {some of} my hopes and dreams for my boys, there is an underlying fear attached to them. Fear that I will fail them and not provide them what they need to become those people. I know I will fail. Daily, I'm sure. What I also know is that God will always be there. He will be there when I do it right and he will be there to pick up the pieces for them when I do it wrong. For that, I am thankful.